The Heartwarming Story of a Bunch of A-Holes
by griZzlyAngel
Summary: Losers. Misfits. Weirdoes. Freaks. Idiots. Call them what you will, but in the end, just remember that this band of outcasts saved the entire galaxy from being freaking destroyed! So hey, show a little respect, please? Sequel to 'Insane Minds Think Alike'. GOTG AU. Featuring an OC.
1. Prologue

A/N: Well hey there! I'm baaack. Did y'all miss me? *crickets* Okay then... Anyway, I didn't really have to think much on whether to have a sequel to 'Insane Minds Think Alike' or not. I had planned to do so even before I started that story. Even though this is technically a sequel to IMTA, it also really isn't. IMTA was more of a prequel. So now we're leading into the actual 'Guardians of the Galaxy' movie plot, yea! Hopefully this is just as much of an enjoyable read as the last one was for my readers. Also, I should note, if you're new here and have not read 'Insane Minds Think Alike', STOP NOW AND GO READ THAT FIRST. It's required reading for this story to make any lick of sense.

*WARNING* The beginning is a bit... _smutty._ Just a heads up for any of you sensitive peeps out there!

And here. We. _Go!_ (I'll give the first person to recognize that line a cookie.)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN 'Guardians of the Galaxy'. I only own Carlin Hardy and all of her bitchiness.

* * *

"Oh, oh, o-oh! Oh my God! _Fuck!"_

"That's the idea, Honey."

"Oh, j-just shut up and g-go _harder! Oohh, oh! UH!"_

"If you insist-"

The bed rocked furiously beneath the couple, creaking and thudding noisily. It was a wonder they did not fall right through the floor at the rate they were going. The act went on for a good solid ten minutes more, with the woman howling in pleasure and the man growling like a wild animal. When they had finally reached climax, the two fell apart, breathless and sweaty upon the wrinkled sheets.

"That-that was-" the man paused, his chest heaving, a smile creeping onto his face. "That was the most craziest sex I've had with any woman. Ever."

"Yeah, well," the woman stretched and chuckled softly. "I'm not like most women."

The man turned onto his side towards his bedmate, one arm tucked under his head, still smiling.

"Hell no you're not! You know, we should do this again? Yeah, that would be great."

The woman stiffened a bit, though this went unnoticed by the giddy male next to her. She sighed tiredly, and rolled away from him, her tangled mane of blonde sprawling out on the pillow behind her.

"I don't think so..." said she just loud enough that the man heard.

His smile disappeared in an instant, and he reached out a hand to cup her bare shoulder rather firmly. "What do you mean, Kaitlyn?"

"For one thing, my name is _Carlin,_ and for another-" she snarled quietly, her entire body tense. "Do not touch me like that."

"Like what?" the man was taken aback, though his hand remained glued to her.

"Like you have some sort of right to me. Like we're anything more than just a simple one-night-stand."

Moving with incredible speed and agility, Carlin was on her feet, skittering around to the end of the bed in the full nude. The man sat himself up straight, mouth agape.

"What are you do-" he began, only to be interrupted by the bedroom door blasting open.

Behind Carlin two beings barged in: one was massive in stature, and fearsome in appearance, while the other could not be seen above the bedframe, though his surprisingly deep, commanding voice brought the man to full attention.

"This party's over, Horndog!"

The man in the bed gasped, a dawn of realization hitting him. He made a break for the gun lying among a heap of clothes on the floor a few feet away from the bed, his hands closing around it just as something hot seared across his upper back. He gave an anguished cry, dropping his weapon and crumpling to the floor.

Carlin sauntered over to him, the other two trailing her closely. She halted next to him and peered down her nose at him for a few seconds, noting how pathetic he sounded whimpering like a small child, curled into a fetal position on his side. Her blue eyes darted to the scorch marks on his bare back, clucking her tongue.

"Nice job, Rocket. You fucking gave him third degree burns," said Carlin in mild aggravation. "Now they'll probably dock us some units." She seen the injured man start to reach for his gun again, and she hastily went forward to collect it before he could.

The smaller of her two cohorts, a raccoon who literally walked around on his hind legs and carried a giant machine blaster over his shoulder, gave a noise of indignation.

"Excuse me? Did you not see what he was doing? One moment too late and one of us would have been in his spot right now instead or worse! Is that what you wanted, Car?!"

The blonde woman crossed her arms and shook her head down at Rocket.

"That's what I thought," said Rocket, marching over to their victim, his tail swishing along behind him. "Now, go get some damn clothes on! You're giving me hardcore nightmare fuel strutting around like that."

"Whatever..." muttered Carlin, brushing past him to the other side of the room.

Rocket smirked as he came up to the man, who was still squirming with pain on the floor, and propped one of his hind paws upon his nude shoulder, putting on a most victorious pose.

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before sticking your prick in any female that crosses your path, hmm?" growled the raccoon darkly.

He then looked back over his shoulder at the largest being in the room, and signaled him to come over.

"I am Groot?" said the enormous tree creature, blinking his glassy brown orbs and holding up a large burlap sack.

"Yeah, as soon as Car stuns him, we'll bag him and be on our merry way." said Rocket, poking the man with the end of his blaster's barrel.

Carlin overheard him as she slipped her shirt back on, and after she'd done so, she went to find her trusty stunner. "Here, Groot!" she tossed it to the wooden giant. "Take care of him."

Groot caught the weapon easily, held it for a minute or so as he studied it with a questionable expression, then glanced down at Rocket, clearly at a loss. The raccoon sighed with exaggeration and put out his free paw, making grabbing motions with it.

"Hand it over, Twighead." said he.

Groot obliged willingly and gave his furry friend the stun gun, who in turn took it and proceeded to tag their guy with it. The man gasped and went limp, his sniveling thankfully silenced.

"Ready to go?" said Carlin, fully clothed again.

"We've been ready," quipped Rocket, returning her gun as he addressed Groot. "He's all yours, Pal."

Groot stepped forward, bent and scooped the paralyzed man into the over-sized sack, then heaved him without a sweat over his right shoulder. He turned back to Rocket and Carlin, smiling happily.

Carlin reciprocated the smile. "Let's get the hell outta here, Big Guy."

The three left the old hotel building where the man had been residing and had taken Carlin back to earlier that night. Even though the area was overpopulated and thousands of pedestrians roamed the sidewalks and streets outside the hotel, not a one of them batted an eye at the rather bizarre trio, or the suspicious-looking sack that Groot was carrying for that matter. This town in particular was a shady one, where many a black market trade-off would occur unnoticed. People were not exactly unsavory here, but more afraid of what might happen if they chose to interfere. The local region was ruled by a nasty dictator, who was also a crook that made perhaps more underhanded deals than any other being in the country. So the people kept quiet, to themselves, and went about their business as usual, paying no mind to even the most outlandish individuals.

"That's the last time I will ever use my sex appeal to catch a bounty. You understand, Rocket?" whispered Carlin in all seriousness, avoiding eye contact with strangers that passed by and keeping her hands in her pockets. "I'm not a tool to use at your leisure. I thought we had cleared all of that up by now?"

"I know, I understand! Believe me, Car, I hate having you do that shit, but we also have to face facts here: this dude was hot for you. _Plus_ he had no clue who you were. It was the perfect opportunity for us to nab him. " answered Rocket in a sensible fashion. "But, like I said, I hate having you do it. We won't do it again."

"I am _Groot?"_ rumbled the humanoid tree from behind him.

"Yeah, yeah, I _promise,"_ Rocket waved off Groot dismissively with his paw. "We'll never put your girlfriend in that situation again."

"Rocket! Don't mock Groot like that!" admonished Carlin, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

"Mock him? I speak the truth! It's clear as day he cares _waaay_ more for you than he should."

Carlin did not say anything to that, though Groot did come around to place his hand on her shoulder in a comforting way.

"I am Groot." said he, gazing down at her with apologetic eyes that always made Carlin want to burst out crying like a baby.

She shook her head and reached up her own arm to pat his lower back.

"Don't be sorry! We both know Rocket is just a fur-covered asshead. Anyway, I take what he said as a compliment. You'd make a wonderful boyfriend, Groot."

Groot's eyes widened considerably, and he tried to look anywhere but at her, biting back another goofy smile. Carlin grinned. She bet that if flora colossi could blush, Groot would be as red as a ripened tomato.

"So, after we dump Mister Hyperdick off with Tawana, where do you guys think we should head first with our cash?" said Rocket from a few steps ahead. "I was thinking maybe Careth Oru? We could have some fun there..."

"I am Groot?" suggested Groot lightly.

"Xandar?" spat Rocket, stopping and pivoting around to face the alien tree. "Of all the places in the galaxy to go, you pick _Xandar?_ Why the ever-loving flark for?!"

Groot shrugged his broad shoulders. "I am Groot."

"Really? That's your excuse? Because it _smells_ nice?!" cried Rocket in disbelief.

"Well, I'm not the biggest fan of Xandar myself, but would it hurt to go back for a visit?" wondered Carlin. "Groot hasn't picked a destination in a long time. Anyway, you never know, we may just run across another opportunity for dough."

Rocket looked hard at her for a moment before letting out a loud exhale of breath.

"Fine, we'll go to Xandar," he surrendered with shoulders slack. "But neither of you will stop me from getting drunk! You hear?"

Carlin laughed. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that. We'll both be too hammered ourselves to give a fuck!"


	2. Return to Xandar

A/N: Hello all! Not much to say right now, except thank you to all of my returning readers and all of my _new_ ones. Thank you for all of the favs, follows, and reviews! It means so much to me, you have no idea.

Anyway, hope you all enjoy the update!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Guardians of the Galaxy'. I only own Carlin, and everything else I make up along the way!

* * *

A few days had passed since Carlin, Rocket, and Groot had turned in their wanted man and received a relatively decent compensation of 15,000 units for their troubles; they were now just arriving on their decided vacation destination, Xandar. It was weird coming back here for all three of them, for the last time that any of them had been to this planet was when all of them had just met. Memories flashed through their minds as the Oreo made her descent, involving cash settlements over a convicted Kree man, secret hangover miracle cures, and angry hotel managers, among other things. Already three years had gone by since the day they had departed together, their hopes high with the thought of money in hand. Of course, as fate would have it, no reward was reeped thanks to one of Carlin's nasty exes. The only thing earned was an unbreakable bond between the three of them, which was worth more than any amount of wealth in Groot's humble opinion.

"I am Groot?" he spoke beside Carlin in the passenger's seat, with Rocket perched on his shoulder.

"Well, I guess we can get some lunch or something." answered Rocket, shrugging.

"What do _you_ want to do, Groot?" asked Carlin, adjusting the Oreo's propulsion jets according to the depth of the planet's atmosphere.

Groot was silent for a few minutes while he pondered on what exactly he would like to do once they were on the ground. "I am... Groot." he eventually came to say, buying a derisive snort from Rocket as a result.

"You've gotta be joking? My God, Groot, you have got to be one of _the_ most uninteresting guys in the whole universe."

"Rocket, stop being mean!" scolded Carlin, steering towards the line of inflowing traffic.

"I'm not being mean!" cried Rocket indignantly throwing up his arms. "Look, fine, we'll go to the park and walk around aimlessly for hours if you want, but you can bet your fucking ass that come nightfall I'm running for the nearest bar."

"I am Groot." replied Groot contentedly, patting the raccoon's furry head.

After passing through the flight security tower, Carlin flew the Oreo to the usual shabby hangar on the east side of the city. Around here people were less intrusive and the daily rate was much cheaper than the more upscale places on the west side. As she pulled up next to the toll booth, she was greeted by the same beady-eyed Xandarian as last time. This time around he had a local newspaper in his grubby hands rather than a porno magazine.

"Hi, is there any vacancy?" spoke Carlin through her two-way speaker-an upgrade she'd made since the Oreo had been rebooted.

"Yeah. It's one hundred and thirty-five units a night." the toll attendant stated blankly.

"Okay, we'll take it! Thanks!" responded Carlin cheerily before speeding off through the gate and into the building.

Finding a neat little spot about ten rows over on the second level, Carlin parked the Oreo between two slightly larger ships. The one on the right was old, its colors faded badly, and it overall needed a serious revamp job. The one on the left, however, was quite the polar opposite. It was roughly the same size as the other, but that's where the similarities ended. It was a sharp-looking creation with extended dragonfly wingtips, a massive bubbletop view window, and what looked like a brand new paint job of the wonderfully clashing colors of orange and blue.

When they had stepped off of the Oreo, the three could not help but be drawn to the snazzy vessel, especially Carlin. She had a weak spot for such things, as was obvious by her devotion and love to the Oreo.

Rocket gave an impressed whistle at the neighboring craft, crossing his arms. "That's a sweet little number right there, eh you guys? Whatcha think, Car? Gorgeous, ain't it?"

"Oh yeah, my panties are wet from beholding all of its splendor." muttered Carlin, only slightly sarcastic, moving slowly around to the front of the ship, her blue eyes glued to it. "Jesus, what royal douchebag owns this, I wonder?"

"Probably wears spandex." commented Rocket casually.

Carlin nodded, still eying all of the minute details. "Yeah, probably..."

"I am Groot?" the wooden giant inquired.

"We are, we are!" snapped Rocket irritably. He tugged on the hem of Carlin's tunic then, causing the woman to start. "Come on! Splinters-for-brains wants to go frolic about."

Carlin had to rip her eyes away from the stunning ship, turning herself around and coming to face the lower half of Groot's body. She looked up at him with a smirk.

"Frolic?" repeated Carlin in a teasing way, raising an eyebrow at Groot.

Groot just rolled his brown eyes with about as much drama as Rocket would have, then put his hand at her back so that he could steer her forwards.

One could not have asked for a more beautiful day to just relax and walk around, as was Groot's wish. The two blazing suns that Xandar orbited shone brightly overhead, a peppering of fluffy cumulus clouds easily passing by through the baby blue sky beneath them, and a gentle breeze that would wound its way through the bustling crowds every so often. The three started out at one end of the huge city and made their unhurried way to the other end by about four in the evening. They had done just about everything, from window shopping to actual shopping, to buying ice cream, to watching a street concert, to hitching a ride on a hover carriage, and the list went on and on, until Carlin's legs began to ache and Rocket was more cranky than a shaken bag of vipers. The only thing they had not done as of yet was visit the city's famous Lockwell Park, and Groot would not be gratified unless they did so.

"I'm _not_ walking through that freakin' park, Groot!" complained Rocket loudly. They were all currently resting in an area where there was various benches and chairs set up around a tall, glass box that was displaying colorful advertisements. "My feet are going to fall off and I'm severely dehydrated. The last thing I want to do is go to a place full of screaming and crying kids."

Groot made a soft, dejected noise, his hulking person seeming to visibly shrink with the loss of anticipation. Rocket purposefully ignored this, pretending to be interested in his claws, while Carlin just looked on and felt an enormous amount of pity for her tree-like friend. Even though she was exhausted, and really would have liked to just sit there and possibly fall asleep, the woman could not let her buddy down like that. Not when he was looking so forward to it.

Letting out a long, shallow sigh, Carlin stood from her comfy seat, making Rocket's head snap upward and Groot glance at her hopefully.

"Come on, ya big dork." she said, taking one of Groot's fingers and pulling him along with her. "We'll be back in a bit, Rocket."

"Take your time!" returned the raccoon carelessly, leaning back in a comfortable position on his bench, arms folded beneath his head and crossing one leg over the other. "Take all the time you need..."

Lockwell Park was not too far from where they had been, thank goodness, and Groot looked about ready to break into a full out sprint next to Carlin as they drew closer. The Terran tightened her grip on his slender index finger, and Groot immediately moved his focus from the gateway of the park ahead of them to his much smaller companion.

"I am Groot?"

Carlin guessed he was wondering if she was okay by the tone of voice and questioning, concerned eyes.

"I'm fine, Hon, just ease up a bit. I'm afraid you're going to run off and drag me with you like some nutty little girl would do with her favorite ragdoll." said Carlin, patting the twisted and knotted wood that made up his forearm with her other hand that was hanging at her side.

Groot blinked, understanding, a sheepish smile tugging at his nonexistent lips. They headed through the entrance, where a jovial security guard stood watch, and started their winding way around the 1000 acres of luscious, green land. As they strolled, Carlin began to feel less tired and more awake than just minutes before. Maybe it was the cool wind that blew, stirring up the trees and other plants, and the fresh, natural aroma that followed? Maybe it was the variety of the other park-goers that walked, ran and sat about them? They all were so happy, it was almost startling. Maybe it was just the mere fact of being alone with Groot. Not that Carlin disliked Rocket's company. It's just, he could be a bit... _zealous_ at times. Well, actually, _most_ of the time. And sometimes, like now, Carlin just wanted, just _needed_ a breather. She needed space and time to collect her personal thoughts, and just _think._ With Rocket, that was not at all possible. It was all about talking with him.

Not with Groot, though. Groot was a talker, but in a very different way. He didn't need words to get across what he was feeling or thinking. Oh, sure, he could say 'I am Groot' until the cows came home, but those three words were nothing compared to what he said with his body, his actions. Frankly, Carlin comprehended him perfectly often by solely reading his eyes. His eyes were the most expressive eyes she had ever seen on any person. When they say that 'eyes are the windows to the soul', they must have been talking about Groot, Carlin was certain of that.

Carlin had always enjoyed the outdoors as a child, and being among the fresh air and growing things at present spiked a jolt of forgotten memories in the back of her mind. She remembered many weekends spent camping in the woods, or hiking, or fishing. Those memories remained the best that she had of her home world. This park here reminded her of the big one in the middle of New York City, Central Park. Carlin had never been there herself, but had seen it many times on television and had heard that it was truly as breathtaking in real life as it was on screen.

It had to have been at least twenty minutes into their walk when Groot and Carlin decided to stop and take a break. Groot led the human over to a patch of beautiful, drooping trees that reminded Carlin of the weeping willows back on Earth. Next to palms, willows were Carlin's favorite kind of tree. These ones, however, were covered in bright orange leaves with a sprinkling of white flowers throughout.

"Wow, Groot." said Carlin, gazing up at the lazy, swaying branches in awe. "This is fabulous!"

Groot gave a nod, his eyes closed and head craned upward to get the full affect of the lovely wind that was passing over them. Carlin grinned at him as she sat herself at the base of the nearest orange willow. Groot stood like that for the whole time that they were there, relishing the senses of nature, becoming one with his distant relatives. It was always fascinating to watch Groot, especially when he was so engrossed in his own little world. Carlin wondered as she observed him of what exactly went through his mind in moments like these. What was he feeling? What was he thinking? Did he forget she was still there with him? Would she even be able to convince him to leave?

"I am Groot?"

Carlin jumped at the sudden break in the serenity of the orange willow haven. She realized quickly that it had been Groot, of course, who had spoken. He was peering down at her with a soft expression playing on his bark-covered face. It was then that Carlin knew she had gotten rather caught up in her own musing, and she let out a chuckle.

"I could live here, you know." she told Groot, who nodded in agreement.

Carlin stole a glance at her intergalatic time watch. "Whoa! We've already been here for an hour! I guess we should start our way back? Ya know, before Sir Fluffikins assembles a search team?"

Groot laughed his deep, thudding laugh.

"Yeah, that's highly unlikely," backpedaled Carlin, standing from where she was seated under the tree. "I think he would just say hell to us and go get drunk. He might consider looking for us by the next day, if we're lucky."

The tree man shook his head, laughing more still. Carlin beamed at him. She strode up to him and wrapped her delicate Terran fingers around his one big index finger.

"You're laughing because you know it's true." she said smartly, guiding him back to the pathway.

"I am Groot." Groot replied, playfully hugging her to his side.

Carlin giggled, not entirely sure of what he had just said, and swatted his arm. "Yeah, yeah! Whatever!"

The two returned to the rest area they had left Rocket in, only to find the raccoon playing with a device he had purchased a few months ago on a planet similar to Xandar, except it was even more advanced in technology and the people that lived there were small, fragile little beings with dark green skin and wings like fairies. Carlin wasn't sure what it was called exactly, but Rocket had dubbed it his bounty tracker. It was simply a thin piece of glass with a cylindrical metal attachment on the side where an array of buttons and knobs lined it. On the glass showed a mess of holographic images: countless wanted posters of various criminals and convicts scrolling downward and upward, their reward blazing beneath them, where they were seen last, and so on and so on.

"I thought you were tired." said Carlin, poking the back of his head as she moved around behind the bench he was sitting on.

"I am! It doesn't exactly take much to operate this thing." returned Rocket in defense, flicking his clawed finger over the glass screen.

"I am Groot?!" the wooden giant addressed his whiskered friend with a sharp tone, looming tall over him, casting a long shadow that covered Rocket completely.

"Because I _feel_ like it, that's why, Idiot!" snapped the raccoon, his canines in full view.

Carlin took the spot next to Rocket and proceeded to whack the back of his head.

" _Ow!"_ yelped Rocket, nearly dropping his gadget. He whipped around to glare heatedly at the human. "What the hell was that for?!"

"For being a nasty little gremlin. I told you to stop calling him idiot, Idiot." said Carlin.

"I hate when people question me! What I do is my own business." retorted Rocket in a childish manner, turning his attention then back to the bounty tracker.

Groot gave Rocket a peeved look, more than a bit tempted to smack that stupid glass thing right out of his paws.

"What are you even doing with that right now?" asked Carlin, also annoyed by his insolent behavior. "We're supposed to be on vacation, Rocket."

"I know, I know!" said Rocket, raising it to eye level so that he could watch as it scanned the masses of people milling around them, seeming to be searching for some special person in particular.

"Put. It. Away. Rocket." ground out Carlin threateningly in his pointed ear.

Rocket bristled, but capitulated to her request, albeit with a pother. "Fine! God! There, I'm putting it away! It's gone! Are you happy _now?!"_

"I'm satisfied... for the time." answered Carlin, though it was clear she was messing with him at this point.

Rocket shoved her arm roughly, then hopped down from the bench. "Fuck, I'm sick of looking at these morons around here. I say we go find ourselves a nice place to crash for the night... with a couple of drinks, of course."

"I concur." said Carlin, also getting to her feet.

"I am Groot." added the behemoth, following after Rocket with Carlin joined at his side.


	3. And so it Begins

A/N: Well hello, hello, hello! Long time no see! Hopefully everyone hasn't totally abandoned this story... Well, anyway, I am so sorry for leaving this thing for so long. Life has gotten SUPER, CRAZY BUSY for me. No joke. Buuut, with the release of GOTG VOL. 2... I've been inspired and forced myself back to writing. I mean, how could I have not? The movie was fabulous, by the way. Even better than the first in some aspects, which is saying A LOT. I just love our dorky space family. Don't get me started on baby Groot. Seriously.

I'll stop rambling there, and send you guys off with one more apology! I hope you enjoy this update. I've gotten a bit rusty, but I'll get back into the groove soon enough.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Guardians of the Galaxy'. I just own Carlin Hardy. Please don't sue me, Marvel/Disney.

* * *

Carlin awoke with a kind of hangover she'd not experienced in a long time. She just could not say no to those fucking Rainbow Kickers, no matter how much she tried. It didn't help having Rocket and Groot slamming every alcoholic beverage that was served at the establishment, pressuring her to keep up with them. Ten shots of kickers, three dances with Groot and one brawl to drag Rocket out of made for a full night that was not going to be easy to recover from-even with hangover miracle cures at the ready.

The blonde moaned quietly as she stretched her limbs from deep, hard sleep. She rubbed at her eyes, the cloud of recent dreams still lingering in her aching head. She gradually opened her lids, blinking a few dozen times up at the ceiling. It took her a few seconds to realize that most of it was covered in thick, twisting vines, some even dangling down towards her. Carlin smiled a little. She loved when Groot would spread himself out like that.

Off to her right she began to register steady snores from her favorite boys; they were knocked out cold. Carlin rotated her head on her pillow to the side where the clock sat on the table between the two queen beds of the hotel room. The glowing neon numbers told her it was nearing noon and the Terran knew she had to start the day, regardless of how utterly gross she felt.

With every ounce of strength she could conjure upon her weak body, Carlin rolled to her side and pushed herself upright at the edge of the bed. She briefly felt a blackout coming on as the dizziness and throbbing of her head overwhelmed her at the sudden change of position.

"Flark-a-fuck…" she breathed, sandwiching her head between her hands and screwing her eyes shut.

She didn't bother scolding herself anymore, because she knew herself enough to know that she would never change her ways. She had an addiction and that was just something she had to accept about herself, although she hated doing so.

When at long last the tidal wave of nausea weakened, Carlin dared to get to her feet. Standing beside the bed, Carlin steadied herself before heading to the bathroom to wash up. She closed the door as quietly as she could, avoided her reflection in the mirror at all costs, and shakily stepped into the shower. Normally she would have turned the water on to warm it, but she needed a bit of a jolt this morning, and ice-cold water should do just the trick.

Flipping the faucet on, Carlin braced for the stream of water to hit her like hundreds of knives. The second it came in contact with her skin, Carlin could not contain the inhuman wail that issued from the pit of her throat. Yep, that woke her up alright.

Washing her hair and body quick as lightning with a handful of cheap hotel soap, Carlin rinsed and leapt out of the shower, snagging the closest towel. She dried her face, letting out a sigh of relief, then swaddled her figure in the plush, powder-pink towel.

Feeling more confident, the woman stepped in front of the sink and looked into the mirror. She resembled a blonde wet rat more than anything else at the moment. Carlin chuckled softly, poking at a panel of buttons that was built into the wall to the side of the sink. From above through a vent there came a flow of hot, powerful air. Carlin busied herself with combing her fingers through the tangled mess that was her hair as the dryer did its thing. In the past few years Carlin had allowed her flaxen mane to grow out past her shoulders, to where it now stopped just at the small of her back. It was her personal way of getting over her old life and ways, of being solitary and unhappy, trading in the crisp crop for wild locks.

Carlin did not realize just how much she had missed having long hair until it had returned. There was something comforting and nostalgic about it that she loved dearly.

After some minutes had passed, and her hair was well-dried and fluffed to perfection, Carlin brushed her teeth with speed, flung the pink towel over the bar, and sat down on the toilet just as someone began beating at the door.

"Car, get out! I've gotta piss!" came Rocket's demand from the other side. "And maybe pu-"

Carlin cringed at the unmistakable sound of retching, followed closely by a quality wet, squashing noise.

She heard Rocket curse and cough a couple of times, then a distant "I am Groot" interjected, and Rocket snapped back a "Shut the fuck up, Twighead!"

And it starts...

* * *

"Xandarians… Pfft! What a bunch of losers. All of them in a big hurry to get from something stupid to nothing at all. Absolutely pathetic." muttered Rocket, shaking his furry head as he watched the hoards of pedestrians through the bounty tracker.

The trio were currently hanging out by a fancy water fountain in the midst of downtown, and it was lunchtime, so the swarms of city-dwellers was peaking considerably. It was back to business, according to Rocket. They really had no job opportunities waiting for them off-planet, so he made it his mission to find one here on Xandar while they were staying. It was convenient for them, and if truth be told, Rocket was having way more fun than he should with his new toy.

"I guess one pathetic person would know another…" said Carlin under her breath.

"Whatever's up your hoohah, Car, get it the fuck out already!" hissed the cybernetic raccoon, his pointy rows of teeth glistening in the sunlight. "I mean, seriously, you've been so bitchy towards me lately, I can't begin to comprehend why-"

"I am Groot!" the flora colossus cut sharply across his much smaller friend.

Rocket rolled his eyes, huffing. "I know, I know, it's always Rocket's fault! If you had your big, stump of a head up Carlin's ass any further, Groot, you'd be looking out of her flarking piehole!"

At this, Groot shrunk back with guilt, his eyes glued to the ground and his feet. Carlin did not waste a second, and smacked the shit out of the raccoon's cranium, causing Rocket to stumble forward a few steps.

"Stop. Fucking. Hitting. ME!" he shrieked as he turned back on her with ears flattened and fangs out, making passersby gawk with curiosity and fear.

"I will, as soon as you stop being such a fucking dick to Groot!" Carlin fired back, her nostrils flared like an infuriated Ranoova bull.

"When Groot stops being a pansy pushover, I'll stop being a dick!" retorted Rocket cruelly.

"Oh, so he sticks up for me, and suddenly he's a pushover? Are you for real right now, Rocket?"

"Car, please, tell me when the blockhead isn't defending you like some kind of moronic knight of honor?!" Rocket reminded her bitterly, reverting his attention to the bounty tracker once more.

Carlin glowered down at him for a good solid minute of silent sizzling anger, then with a noise akin to a snarl, she resigned to sit on the ledge of the fountain behind her. Crossing her arms, Carlin was trying her hardest not to simply rip the stupid piece of technology from the fluffy mutant's paws and slam it against the pavement a good few million times.

"Geesh, get a load of that sorry sucker over there…" Rocket snickered to himself, peering at random people among the bustle. "Call us criminals when he's assaulting us with that haircut? Unbelievable. And what the hell is that thing? Thinks it's so cool-not cool to get help! Walk by yourself, ya little gargoyle!"

"So now you're mocking children?" Carlin sneered at his back.

"Car, I'm what they call an 'equal opportunity guy'. I mock everyone, regardless of age, sex, or species." said Rocket, throwing her a smirk and wink over his shoulder. "Thought you would have known that by now?"

The woman dropped her face into her palms, groaning in loud exasperation. Rocket cackled, though he stopped dead when he seen what his other, larger friend was doing. "Groot! The hell? Don't drink fountain water, you idiot. That's disgusting!"

Carlin lifted her head from her hands to look over at Groot, sighing as she seen fresh water dripping from his mouth. Groot's eyes were huge and round with something to the likeness of a kid getting his hand caught in the cookie jar. He swallowed the remaining water in his mouth, then shook his head in denial of what had just happened.

"Yes you did! I just saw you doing it! Why are you lying?" Rocket accused shrewdly.

Groot shrugged helplessly, his gaze flickering to the blonde Terran for a split second, returning to Rocket in a blink. Carlin shook her head at him, dipping a hand in the water to bat a splash in his direction.

"The water's nice and pretty, but it ain't sanitary for you, Big Guy." she chided mildly.

"Yeah, it's flarking nasty," Rocket added with clear revulsion at the thought, rapidly changing his focus back to his bounty tracker when it began to beep wildly. "Hello, what do we have here…?"

Although Carlin was still annoyed with the raccoon, when she heard the device's little alarm go off she could not help the pique of interest she felt. She stood from her spot and walked up to hover behind Rocket, studying the screen of the bounty tracker from over his tiny frame.

"Looks like we got one," she voiced, her blue eyes taking in the wanted man, zoomed in close on the screen as he was chatting up an attractive Krylorian woman. "A ladies' man it would seem..."

"Wonderful," Rocket said flatly, sliding his claw along the screen through information listed next to the outlaw's mugshot, letting out a cry that made Carlin jump. "Forty thousand units?! Groot, Car! We hit the fucking jackpot! Ha ha, yes!"

Both Carlin and Rocket spun about in excitement to face Groot, only to find the giant tree man gulping up gallons of fountain water with not a care in the world. Rocket's gleeful expression fell in an instant. He pinched the space between his brows, walking away whilst grumbling incoherently to himself. Carlin simply smiled at Groot, not having the heart to interrupt his moment of bliss.

Good thing too, because neither three of them had the slightest clue of the troubles this man was about to lead them into...


End file.
